Yes, I am an evil person. I have no mercy where telemarketers are concerned. I rationalize this by saying that at least the telemarketer will have an interesting story to tell their co-workers.
When we bought our new house we got a lot of calls from window companies. One time I said "Oh, this house cost us a lot of money and we couldn't afford everything, we didn't have windows put in."
When the newspaper phoned I pretended I couldn't hear well and kept saying hello louder and louder. The telemarketer got louder and louder to until I shouted "I know you! You're the one who's been stalking me!" I slammed the phone down.
When the lawn company phoned I said "Oh, our kids love basketball so much, when we bought this house I had everything paved over."
Sometimes I speak in a thick East European accent and laugh "me no know".
Sometimes they ask for Mr. So and so and I deadpan how he died eight months ago.
When it's duct cleaning I say that I live in an apartment.
But I finally did what I always wanted to do. I said "I'm so glad you phoned. What's your name? Say do you have twenty minutes? I'm so lonely..."
Evil? You decide.
Saturday, 2 May 2015
Kids vs. Pets (tongue in cheek)
Kids vs. Pets
I only had kids so that I'd get grandchildren.
If you don't really like your cat or dog not to worry, in ten, twelve years they will die and you can replace them without guilt. If you have a kid. Too bad. Your stuck and he or she will be the one that cares for you in old age. And even if you have eight kids it will be the one you don't get along with that will visit you and plan your meals.
People accept the fact that you will name your pet an odd or cute name like Bobo. I knew a lady who had two cats named Chicken and Chips. Popular dog names include: Peanut, Shadow, Buddy, Bear, Boomer and Ace. And popular cat names include: Jaspar, Oreo, Simba, Mittens, Patches, and Boots. People have greater licence when naming pets. But your kids? I gave mine sturdy names that couldn't be rhymed with anything offensive. Thankfully we did not run into "family" names all of which would have been strange European ones.
When children misbehave you can't tie them up outside or put them in the basement. You wouldn't spray them with water or hit their nose with a rolled up newspaper. On the plus side you don't have to walk them or pick up their poop.
When it was nap time for kiddie everyone understood when I said "I put him down at one o'clock". It has quite a different meaning if I say "I put Rover down at one o'clock".
And I guess one of the biggest differences is that you can pick out and test drive your pet. I had a little play time with my cat at the shelter. With kids - you get what you get. No trial period, no swapping with the neighbours, no returns.
Well, these are just a few differences, until next time
Lisa and Dimitri Sven Gregorski Vladimir the Wonder Cat
I only had kids so that I'd get grandchildren.
If you don't really like your cat or dog not to worry, in ten, twelve years they will die and you can replace them without guilt. If you have a kid. Too bad. Your stuck and he or she will be the one that cares for you in old age. And even if you have eight kids it will be the one you don't get along with that will visit you and plan your meals.
People accept the fact that you will name your pet an odd or cute name like Bobo. I knew a lady who had two cats named Chicken and Chips. Popular dog names include: Peanut, Shadow, Buddy, Bear, Boomer and Ace. And popular cat names include: Jaspar, Oreo, Simba, Mittens, Patches, and Boots. People have greater licence when naming pets. But your kids? I gave mine sturdy names that couldn't be rhymed with anything offensive. Thankfully we did not run into "family" names all of which would have been strange European ones.
When children misbehave you can't tie them up outside or put them in the basement. You wouldn't spray them with water or hit their nose with a rolled up newspaper. On the plus side you don't have to walk them or pick up their poop.
When it was nap time for kiddie everyone understood when I said "I put him down at one o'clock". It has quite a different meaning if I say "I put Rover down at one o'clock".
And I guess one of the biggest differences is that you can pick out and test drive your pet. I had a little play time with my cat at the shelter. With kids - you get what you get. No trial period, no swapping with the neighbours, no returns.
Well, these are just a few differences, until next time
Lisa and Dimitri Sven Gregorski Vladimir the Wonder Cat
Friday, 1 May 2015
Actress, Nun, Prostitute
When I was little I wanted to be one of three things. An actress, a nun, or a prostitute. One day I told my mom that I wanted to be a nun and she said "you can't, we're not Catholic". I was crushed.
As a young adult I did vocational testing. The results said that I should be a diorama maker, a sculptor, or a person in the ministry. This was in an era of an abundance of low entry office work positions. Soon to dry up.
Throughout my life I have had people confide in me with major life issues. For example: people wanting to leave their spouses; spouses trying to kill them; and dealing with past rape. As well as living with mental illness and struggling with suicide attempts. I realized that I was an excellent listener and problem solver. At the age of thirty I decided to go back to school for my Social Service Worker Diploma. The week I graduated Premier Bob Ray cut one third of all Social Service Agencies. I took some Social Work University courses but it was back to menial office work which was as I stated soon to dry up.
I took six month computer courses in between jobs. I adored the courses and excelled. The first is where I ran into to major problems without even knowing it. Our instructor, as I found out later, had me pegged from the start. I was bright and inquisitive and finished my work first and went on to help others in the class. One day she told me that there was a meeting with her, me and the administrator. At the meeting she broke down into tears and said that she felt threatened by me. I was totally perplexed. It seemed that she was struggling to understand and present the material and I was zipping through it and saying that it was easy. I meant no harm by it. I was absolutely unaware of the situation. Back to filing.
In my late thirties I was hired for a sales position. I knew it wouldn't work and they figured that out as well but they put me to use teaching some staff about computer programs. When I was through with that they moved me to engineering and taught me AutoCAD and I spent my days happily doodling on the computer doing grunt work. Until, until I had a breakdown. Then they wanted to fire me.
Fast forward a bit. I was deemed unable to work and put on permanent disability. At that time you were not allowed to volunteer if you were on disability. When I was up to it I disregarded that and started volunteering with the Canadian Mental Health Association. I loved volunteering. Can you guess what happened? After so many years they discontinued their volunteering program. I didn't go back to filing.
With the help of my then boyfriend we struck out on our own. Until I had a breakdown.
I am still recovering. I have in mind a group I would like to start but that will get under way when I am completely able. So I bring us full circle. Did I become an actress? No. A nun? No, although I did have an appointment with the nunnery but there was a massive snow storm that day and I didn't make it. A prostitute? I think I'd have to give half of what I made to disability. No.
Thinking good thoughts, Lisa
As a young adult I did vocational testing. The results said that I should be a diorama maker, a sculptor, or a person in the ministry. This was in an era of an abundance of low entry office work positions. Soon to dry up.
Throughout my life I have had people confide in me with major life issues. For example: people wanting to leave their spouses; spouses trying to kill them; and dealing with past rape. As well as living with mental illness and struggling with suicide attempts. I realized that I was an excellent listener and problem solver. At the age of thirty I decided to go back to school for my Social Service Worker Diploma. The week I graduated Premier Bob Ray cut one third of all Social Service Agencies. I took some Social Work University courses but it was back to menial office work which was as I stated soon to dry up.
I took six month computer courses in between jobs. I adored the courses and excelled. The first is where I ran into to major problems without even knowing it. Our instructor, as I found out later, had me pegged from the start. I was bright and inquisitive and finished my work first and went on to help others in the class. One day she told me that there was a meeting with her, me and the administrator. At the meeting she broke down into tears and said that she felt threatened by me. I was totally perplexed. It seemed that she was struggling to understand and present the material and I was zipping through it and saying that it was easy. I meant no harm by it. I was absolutely unaware of the situation. Back to filing.
In my late thirties I was hired for a sales position. I knew it wouldn't work and they figured that out as well but they put me to use teaching some staff about computer programs. When I was through with that they moved me to engineering and taught me AutoCAD and I spent my days happily doodling on the computer doing grunt work. Until, until I had a breakdown. Then they wanted to fire me.
Fast forward a bit. I was deemed unable to work and put on permanent disability. At that time you were not allowed to volunteer if you were on disability. When I was up to it I disregarded that and started volunteering with the Canadian Mental Health Association. I loved volunteering. Can you guess what happened? After so many years they discontinued their volunteering program. I didn't go back to filing.
With the help of my then boyfriend we struck out on our own. Until I had a breakdown.
I am still recovering. I have in mind a group I would like to start but that will get under way when I am completely able. So I bring us full circle. Did I become an actress? No. A nun? No, although I did have an appointment with the nunnery but there was a massive snow storm that day and I didn't make it. A prostitute? I think I'd have to give half of what I made to disability. No.
Thinking good thoughts, Lisa
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